The Dog's Diary: Drama
by Natmonkey
Summary: Oghren and Anora come over for a visit, while Zevran and Alistair try to resolve some issues. Stubbs doesn't really get it.


**Drama**

Even though Tail said he never wanted to see him again, Pointy Ears has returned to the lady. He promised not to do anything, so Tail let him stay. Tail is a good guy. I like him. Pointy Ears is sitting with the lady, holding her hand. Everybody seems to be afraid she will never wake up. Nonsense. She will. Eventually. Pointy Ears is whispering in the lady's ear in his mysterious language. It sounds beautiful. Wish I knew what it all meant. Maybe he is telling her stories, like the nice female does sometimes.

The door opens; it's Tin Can. Tail doesn't want to see him either. "Get out," says Tail. "I will light the next person who harms my patient on fire."

"I'll be good." Tin Can points his thumb at Pointy Ears. "You're letting _him_ stay, aren't you?" He smiles at Tail. "Please? I just want to sit by my friend's side." I'm not sure if he means Pointy Ears or the lady. Probably the lady.

Tail sighs. "Fine." He frowns. "But any tomfoolery and I'm kicking you out the window!"

Tin Can sits himself on the lady's other side and takes her other hand. He and Pointy Ears give each other a mean look. "So, Zevran, you are awfully close with her all of a sudden," says Tin Can in a low voice, his eyes narrowed; only Pointy Ears and I can hear him. I'm probably not supposed to listen, but I am going to anyway. Nobody said I couldn't.

"Are you jealous?" Pointy Ears also speaks softly and kisses the lady's hand, knowing it will probably make Tin Can angry. "If you must know, Astoreth and I-…"

"Oh, I know you're sleeping with her too." Tin Can rolls his eyes. "Who else could it be – Sten?"

They both laugh. "We would probably have noticed if that were the case," snickers Pointy Ears.

"Do you love her?" Tin Can doesn't get an answer to his question. Which _is_ an answer, if you think about it. "Well, so do I and I don't want to share her with anyone."

"Alistair, how selfish of you." Pointy Ears strokes the lady's cheek. "I, for one, would not want to claim her against her wishes and I know she feels the same about me."

Tin Can makes a dirty face. "Oh, yes, you're also doing it with the tall guy who minds the horses, right? Isn't she enough for you?" With a guy? Oh, those humans. They'll mate with anything.

"She has never asked me to commit solely to her, so why should I?" Pointy Ears pats Tin Can on the shoulder. "Life is short, Alistair. You should wring it for every drop of fun it can offer you."

"And if she were to ask you to?" Tin Can looks at the other guy with great interest.

Pointy Ears shrugs. "Then I suppose I would." Oooh… I knew it! He does love the lady! His cheeks have gone red.

"_Aha_!" Tin Can points at Pointy Ears. "So you do love her." He smiles, looking at the lady's face. "She really is something very spe-…"

_"What's uuuuuuup?"_ Firefur stumbles in. Ha, he's so funny. He shoves Tin Can aside and jumps on the bed. "How is my favourite main character, huh?" Suddenly he sniffles. "Please, please, wake up, Warden!" Crying, he buries his face between the lady's teats; he likes that, I think. He tried it yesterday too, but Tail scared him away. "The boredom is killing me! All I can do is drink and even that is getting boring!"

Tin Can pats his fiery head. "Uh, there, there?"

"Damn it, Oghren, stop trying to feel her up," says Tail, half angry and half laughing. "Get away from her."

Firefur stops crying right away. "Hey, it was worth a shot. So what do you think, you man-skirt wearing freak? Is she going to be up and running again soon, or what?" He sighs and climbs off the bed, but not before squeezing the lady's teat. How rude. "Nice."

"You pervert!" Tail zaps him with lightning. Ha! That's awesome. "Go on, get out!" He zaps him again.

"Aaah!" Firefur runs to the door and sticks his tongue out at Tail. "Sparklefingers!" And he's gone. That was funny. I wish the lady could have seen that. She would have laughed so hard… Just like Tin Can and Pointy Ears are doing. At least they look happy now. I didn't like their talk earlier. What would the lady say about all that? From what I have seen, she loves them both. They both love her too, clearly. Humans are complicated. I'm just a dog. What do I know of all these things? Nothing.

Tin Can and Pointy Ears have stopped laughing. Now they are staring at each other. Their eyes look mean and angry. "I saw her first," growls Tin Can.

"I had her first," says Pointy Ears with a smile.

"You did?" Tin Can throws his hands in the air. "Maker's breath! Why am I always late to the party?"

Pointy Ears looks at Tin Can with pity in his eyes. "Because you are shy and not used to taking the initiative." He chuckles. "But not anymore, eh? You impressed us all during that rescue mission of that royal pain in the ass."

Tin Can blushes. "Thanks. Has Anora been here to check on her yet?" he asks Tail.

"No," replies Tail. "Unless she did so during my privy breaks, but that is unlikely." He shudders. "She seems so cold." And mean. Don't forget mean.

"She _is_ cold." Tin Can's upper lip curls in disgust. "Astoreth nearly died saving her and that… that… Ugh, I don't even know a word awful enough to describe her!" Me neither. I hate that female. Maybe even more than I hate darkspawn and I hate darkspawn a lot.

There is a knock on the door; Tail rolls his eyes. "Andraste's ass! Can't a guy gossip in peace?"

Tin Can snickers. "It must be Bother Astoreth Day today." Heh. I don't know what that means, but it sounds funny. Maybe something between him and the lady.

My fur stands on end when Tail allows the visitor to come in. It's that female. The mean one. She looks around; her eyes look cold, even when she looks at the lady. The lady was wounded because she had to save this female. I wish she hadn't. "Greetings, all of you."

"What do you want?" Tin Can is speaking with his teeth clenched. Pointy Ears says nothing, just gives her angry looks. She deserves every one of them. "Have you finally come to see the damage your betrayal has done?"

The female folds her arms. "How is she?" I don't know why she asks. She obviously doesn't care.

"Well, her vital signs are in good order." Tail is the only one who doesn't hate her. Or maybe he hides it very well. "She'll wake up any day now."

The female sighs. "I can't wait for that. Oh, bother…"

"Yes, I'm sure Astoreth is very sorry for letting you wait while she recovers from a massive hole in her chest," drawls Tin Can, but that stupid female isn't paying any attention.

"Very well, I shall simply tell you," she says to Tin Can. "Have you heard of the unrest in the Denerim alienage?" The female says stuff about unrest and war and her father doing bad things. Don't humans have this saying about an apple and a tree? Seems fitting. She wants Tin Can to solve the problem. "I know Eamon wants to put you on the throne, Alistair, but don't you think I am a better candidate?" Now she smiles, but it doesn't look real. "I have governed this country for five years; you know I do it well."

Tin Can snorts. "You may be a good ruler, but you stink as a decent human being." He shoos her away. "Go be all noble and queenly somewhere else; I'll help the elves."

"What about Ferelden?" asks the female. "You can't very well ignore this issue."

"I'll cross that bridge when I get to it." Tin Can narrows his eyes. "Now piss off, Your _Majesty_." She shrugs and leaves. But she is angry. I'm sure of it. Take that, ha.

Pointy Ears looks at Tin Can with big eyes. "Well done!" He slowly claps his hands. "That was beautiful to watch."

"Thank you, thank you." Tin Can pretends to bow. "I'll be here all week." Suddenly he looks at Pointy Ears all mean again. "Meanwhile, we haven't resolved our issues."

"Issues?" Pointy Ears raises the hairy lines above his eyes. I should learn what they are called some time. "I was unaware that we had issues."

Tin Can's face is slowly going red. "You know bloody well what I'm talking about! You, me and Astoreth." He folds his arms. "What are we going to do about this?"

"Well, if you are so eager to have her all to yourself, we must let her decide." Pointy Ears also folds his arms. "Whom does she prefer: you or me? I cannot wait to find out," he chuckles.

"_Fine_," says Tin Can, rising from his seat.

Pointy Ears also rises from his seat and says: "Fine!" They both try to walk out angrily, but get stuck in the doorway instead. This is so funny. They are probably serious, which makes it even funnier. Silly humans.

"Oh, do you want to come to the alienage?" Tin Can asks on a normal tone.

"But of course," replies Pointy Ears.

"Fine!"

"_Fine_!" And they are gone. Goodness, lady, look at all the things you're missing.

Tail stares at the doorway for a moment, but then bursts out laughing: "Draaamaaaaaa…"


End file.
